Crystal Ball

Ever wonder what life would be like if you could "cheat" and use a crystal ball to look into the future? How cool would that be! I have a sister who was insatiably addicted to "Miami Vice". I mean mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and medically addicted to that show. Thanks to her addiction, when I hear the words Crockett and Tubbs, I immediately think of fast cars, neon lights, ladies of the night, and pink flamingos (as opposed to a cooking experiment gone awry). She taped every episode. Religiously. My dad noticed the problem and acted quickly. I was evicted from my room so it could be turned into a VAULT to house the Miami Vice archives. But I can't complain, the back porch wasn't all that bad. And besides, I had a straight shot through the window to the TV for all those late night episodes of "Night Court" that my parents watched while maintaining they weren't fans.

Now, if my sister had had a crystal ball, she would have known that in the future the complete Miami Vice archives would be available on DVD. Imagine how that would have changed things... I would have grown up normal, with my own room. My dad wouldn't have had to buy stock in Maxell just to compensate for the amount of VHS tapes our household consumed. And my sister wouldn't have had to sacrifice all those nights trying to time the pause button just right to avoid taping commercials. We could have watched a good, wholesome, TV program together as a family, without the pressure of recording. It put everyone on edge you know. Just too much to endure. Would have been nice to watch it guilt free. Or at all...

If I could have had access to a crystal ball in my younger days... well let's just say I'd be much better off financially. Think of all the money I'd have saved by knowing which relationships were going nowhere. All the dinners, movies, eating out, picture shows, dinners... what else did I do on dates? Oh yeah, movies. Anywho, I sure could have saved a lot of money by not spending so much on certain girlfriends. In fact, it's kind of scary to think of how much the dead-end-date total would add up to when I really think about it. Especially considering the rise in cost of living related to dinners and movies. Crazy.

As for my brother in law, if he had had a crystal ball years ago, he would have known to turn his head at just the right moment. The moment when his baby girl decided to puke in his mouth as he was on his back holding her over his head. And my dad would have known not to get into the canoe that day. The day when we were at the family reunion at the lake. It was going to be a nice little jaunt in the canoe, just the two of us, when suddenly my sister decided she wanted to tag along. Unfortunately she swamped the canoe getting in and my dad could do nothing more than sit there, up to his armpits and gasping irritably at the cold water. And my mom, well she would have known to visually inspect the car before taking off down the road with the cat on top, claws dug in, fearing for its life. And she may have possibly looked for a better hiding place for all those Christmas presents from "Santa", which didn't seem to garner the surprise and excitement she anticipated.

A crystal ball in high school would have saved me the embarrassment from that one time when... on second thought, never mind.

If I'd had a crystal ball, I'd have seen the woman who'd brave hell and high water by committing to spend the rest of her life with me. And if she'd had a crystal ball... well, it's just a good thing she didn't! I would have seen that I was going to marry the funniest person in the world. And that we would have the cutest baby in the world. And the smartest. She's very advanced, a prodigy really. She can say "where is it?" three times fast. And I would have seen that surgery can truly clean up a marriage and make things smell like roses.

But most of all, if I had had a crystal ball, I would have lingered a little longer and hugged and kissed a little harder the last time I saw my mom before she passed away. I would have made it a point to say "I love you mom" everyday and not been such an ungrateful and uncontrollable teenager. I would have told her how much she truly meant, and how grateful I was for her.

Same goes for my dad. I would have taken work off and spent a few more days with him before the cancer took him. I would have shrugged off the awkwardness and opened up to him and tried harder to see him for the great man that he was, and not just as my rule-making-and-enforcing dad. I would have asked more advice, and listened more intently. I would have been more eager to help him with projects around the house and horse pasture. I would have been more observant of his interactions with others and his example of giving and service, instead of with what it took to be cool in the eyes of my friends. If only I'd had a crystal ball...

1- Howcome... we place so much importance on things that are unimportant?

I love you Mom & Dad

You are sorely missed