An Inconvenient Something

First it was Al Gore bringing us "An Inconvenient Truth". Now Glenn Beck is bringing us "An Inconvenient Book". Well if these guys can make a fortune off of their inconveniences, why can't I?

Introducing, "An Inconvenient Something" - My list of inconveniences. (It should take me no time at all to come up with enough inconveniences to fill a book.)

- I find it inconvenient that my upper cupboards between the sink and the stove don't open in a logical direction. They open in the opposite direction you expect them to. Very inconvenient.

- It's inconvenient that my daughter always wakes up from her nap at just about the time I've finished getting everything done I needed to do while she was asleep, and my head has just hit the pillow for my own quick snooze. Very inconvenient.

- My car only has one speed on the intermittent wiper setting. Inconvenient. And it doesn't have keyless entry. Extremely inconvenient. I actually have to stick the key in the door and unlock it manually. I know, it's crazy huh? My wife's car AND my old beater Jeep both have keyless entry. What if some crazy psycho came after me in a parking lot? I'd have to sue Honda for not being able to get into my car quick enough to speed away from danger.

- It's very inconvenient to drink a Red Bull, then have your manager call a staff meeting that lasts an hour. And she can't figure out why you're not paying close attention and you get yelled at for not responding. The sprint down the hallway at the end of the meeting to the bathroom is the most inconvenient of all... it's too long.

- The lightswitches in our bedroom and bathroom are inconvenient. They're behind the doors. Inconvenient enough to warrant beating the architect who drew them there.

- Inconvenient is going all the way downstairs to the storage room only to get distracted by something in the room that you haven't seen in ages, and forgetting what you went into that room for in the first place. "So THAT'S where she hid that sweater I bought her for Christmas!"

- It's inconvenient that my sabre-toothed-crotch-crickets always seem to be most active as I crawl into bed at night, necessitating serious itching counter measures, and even more inconvenient that after a few minutes of this my wife has to ask, "Um, what are you doing?"

- A horrible dating inconvenience is being nervous and having a propensity for tummy rumbling, explosive gas. If you're lucky enough for her NOT to hear it as you walk around the back of the car, you'd better come up with something creative to stay out there long enough for her NOT to smell it when you get in. A related, and more serious, inconvenience is having your best friend blurt out to her the following Monday at school that when you got back to the car after dropping her off, you let it all out at him. "Ew! Is that what you guys do after you drop us off?" What did you expect? High fives for most awkward date in history? Puh-leeeaaaase. (Now you ladies know the truth about why we're not good listeners. Our concentration is elsewhere)

- It's SOOOO inconvenient to have a cop pull your wife over and cite her for no mudflaps on your Jeep, which she never drives and just happened to take to the store out of convenience of parking arrangement that day. It's even more inconvenient when a year-and-a-half later that same cop pulls over that same wife in that same Jeep for that same reason! Like he didn't have anything better to do.

More Inconvenient Somethings in future posts. Right now, I have to go feed my 2 year old and then put her in the bathtub. How inconvenient of her to interrupt my blogging brilliance.