Happy Birthday Babe

Just thought I'd share some reasons why I LOVE MY WIFE...

- She's a firefighter...

- ...Who's scared of heights

- Certain commercials make her cry

- Having to share chocolate with me also makes her cry

- She can hear a siren before most dogs do

- She has pretty handwriting

- Sometimes she cracks herself up so much with her own joke that she cries laughing

- She will LITERALLY run out of a room with a spider in it

- She wears cute little Christmas pajamas around the house all year long

- She starts listening to Christmas music in September

- She makes the best version of my mom's Christmas fudge that I've ever had

- She thinks everyday should be Christmas

- She checks her favorite blogs religiously (first thing in the morning and last thing before going to bed)

- I farted on our first date... in the Jeep... with all the windows up... and she stuck around

- She can't sit on the couch to watch TV without being curled up under a blanket

- She loves crossword puzzles

- Her mouth turns up in this cute little, almost crooked, half-smile when she's trying to keep from laughing at one of my dumb jokes... or when she's up to no good

- Her legs are as white as mine

- Nap time is her favorite part of the day, with milk & cookies a close second

- She doesn't like to do the grocery shopping alone

- She makes killer banana bread

- If I haven't had a chance to get to the ice cream before her, she's sweet enough to save me a spoonful, sometimes two

- She takes the time to play with my daughter, read books, and teach her to count while I'm at work

- She can't play a card game without tidying up the deck on the table during the game

- She prefers an even number of comments on her blog posts, and doesn't know why

- She gets the hiccups while brushing her teeth

- She likes to hold my hand in the car while we're driving

- She's patriotic

- She loves the outdoors

- She can shoot a gun

- Her eyes twinkle at the thought of watching the next episode of The Hills

- She has the perfect nails for scratching my back

- She likes to put her "Holy *!#@ those are cold!!" feet on mine in bed at night, but won't let me put mine on hers when they're cold

- She knows north, east, south, & west (sounds basic, but I've dated girls who didn't)

- She's a wonderful mother to my little girl

Bottom line; she's the smartest, most beautiful, caring, most patient, kindest, funniest, strongest and most loving woman I know. She is, just like the song playing says, EVERYTHING to me. I would be utterly and completely lost without her. She is beautiful inside and out. And I love her with my whole being.

And one day, I'm going to take her to a beautiful beach for her birthday, just like the one in the background. But until then Babe, this picture will have to do. I am so glad you didn't give up on me. I feel so lucky to have you, and am amazed everyday that you're willing to put up with me, and sacrifice so much. I LOVE YOU!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

See my bum?

Says my 2 year old to me tonight as we're eating dinner. "Tell daddy where we went today" says mama. After some thought, "See my bum? I sit in big fire truck!"

Sometimes I wish we could all just speak in "2 year old". So simple, so creative, so funny. And then, I got to thinking... "See my bum?" was not so much a question but rather a declaration. My bum is important. Anything it does or is associated with is important. See my bum? It sat on a fire truck today. That fire truck is now important. In fact, daddy, I'll have you know that anything my bum touches is catapulted to a level of prestige and honor never-before-known to that object.

See this high chair? It has obtained rock-star status because of my bum! See that car seat? It's bound for the hall of fame because of my bum. See that swingset? It will fetch over $1 million on E-bay because my bum touched it.

I can only hope and pray that she never loses that level of confidence in herself. Because one day, the world will show her its ugly side... put her down, mock her, tease her, criticize her, and otherwise make her feel worthless. And in those moments, I hope she remembers back to when she was 2. I hope she stands up to the world and says, "See my bum? It sat in a cold hard chair for hours on end to pull a 4.0 GPA. See my bum? It helped me endure falls and bruises to win state. See my bum? It got me through super intense study sessions at a prestigious university to graduate with honors. See my bum? It sat on airplanes and buses that took me places all over the world that I wanted to see."

"Yes indeed. See my bum? It was there to catch my fall the day the love of my life proposed to me. It sat in that rocking chair in the front room of our tiny little home for countless hours as I nursed newborn children I had brought into this world. It sat in that chair at the kitchen table for years, helping those kids with homework, putting puzzles together with them, teaching them invaluable principles to help guide them in their lives. It sat next to crying friends and family members who suffered heartache, stress, and loss in their lives. It helped me be a comfort and a support to them, and forget myself. It helped me serve others. What has your bum done?"

That's right cutie poo... "See my bum?" Say it loud, say it confidently. Show the world what you're made of. And that anything associated with your bum IS important, because you're important. You will do great things in this life. You and your cute little bum...

Stephenie Meyer

... and I have something in common; Our taste for music. She is a big fan of Muse and Linkin Park. What a co-inky-dink!! So am I.

So in honor of 2 of my favorite bands, I put together this little playlist to the right that you hear when you pull up my blog. (Yes it's been there for over a month, I know. I had originally planned to post this back then and have it all coincide with the release of her new book. But, I'm lazy. There were just too many re-runs of Myth Busters and Dirty Jobs to get through). And as you've already seen, I changed my background. There is some duality of purpose to that. It was supposed to be a kind of tribute to my wife walking away from full-time firefighting. As well as to provide something a little more dark and edgy, to go along with the music. But I'm thinking I might be doing a remodel very soon.

Anyway, back to Stephenie Meyer... although I'm probably not a fan at the level she seems to be, I'm happy to say that I have something in common with a multi-millionaire. Makes me feel good, especially because you always here the cliche, "If you want to be successful, emulate successful people". That's gotta include their taste in music, right? Seems like a pretty safe place to start. I mean, otherwise you have to actually get out there and come up with some brilliant idea and actually WORK and stuff. Who wants to do that? I'll just stick with the music for now and see what happens.

I have to admit I've never read one of her books. But I don't need to read them. I know them inside and out, through osmosis. My wife has read the first 3 books in the series 4 times (no that's not a typo, 4 times!). She has literally absorbed them and they are now a part of her. She has vampires coursing through her veins. So I just have to cuddle next to my wife on the couch or in bed and presto! I have visions of vampires running through the trees, and Bella and Edward's beautiful romance unfolds before me. It's really much easier than all that reading.

Don't get me wrong though, I like to think of myself as well-read and someone who enjoys the classics. I even have one or two classics on my bookshelf, like "The Gas We Pass" (thanks Denise!), and the entire 3 volume collection of "Calvin & Hobbes". In my opinion, no one more eloquently puts life in perspective than Calvin. He's truly a man after my own heart. But I digress...

So here's to Muse... and to Linkin Park. Play on, boys. I'm listening...

Sentimental Hanky

So we're getting ready to start potty-training my little girl. She's 2, and has shown an increasing interest in going potty. She likes to take off her own diaper, and go sit on her little potty we bought her. Usually she'll just sit there and chatter away like a squirrel defending its nuts. But yesterday, much to our surprise, a 2 year old version of Mr. Hanky emerged in the little bowl and there was much excitement and celebration and even a standing ovation. "Dada, I caca! I caca!" (I think at that very moment there was a cartoon entourage from Monty Python that passed through the bathroom exclaiming something about much rejoicing in the land, waving a flag and saying "Yeah" not-so-enthusiastically).

In fact, it was such a special moment, that when I transferred Jr. Mr. Hanky from her potty to the toilet and flushed it, she sadly said "Bye, caca, bye" and waved as it swirled it's way down and disappeared to the land of has-been Hankies. Then she looked at me and said "Where'd do?" which means, where'd it go? "Bye, caca, bye" (waving...)

- Howcome an incident involving poo can be so adorable from a 2 year old, but when it's your own... fuggettaboutit!! Seriously, when was the last time you waved your own poo down the toilet, sad to see it go, like parting from an old friend?

An Inconvenient Something

First it was Al Gore bringing us "An Inconvenient Truth". Now Glenn Beck is bringing us "An Inconvenient Book". Well if these guys can make a fortune off of their inconveniences, why can't I?

Introducing, "An Inconvenient Something" - My list of inconveniences. (It should take me no time at all to come up with enough inconveniences to fill a book.)

- I find it inconvenient that my upper cupboards between the sink and the stove don't open in a logical direction. They open in the opposite direction you expect them to. Very inconvenient.

- It's inconvenient that my daughter always wakes up from her nap at just about the time I've finished getting everything done I needed to do while she was asleep, and my head has just hit the pillow for my own quick snooze. Very inconvenient.

- My car only has one speed on the intermittent wiper setting. Inconvenient. And it doesn't have keyless entry. Extremely inconvenient. I actually have to stick the key in the door and unlock it manually. I know, it's crazy huh? My wife's car AND my old beater Jeep both have keyless entry. What if some crazy psycho came after me in a parking lot? I'd have to sue Honda for not being able to get into my car quick enough to speed away from danger.

- It's very inconvenient to drink a Red Bull, then have your manager call a staff meeting that lasts an hour. And she can't figure out why you're not paying close attention and you get yelled at for not responding. The sprint down the hallway at the end of the meeting to the bathroom is the most inconvenient of all... it's too long.

- The lightswitches in our bedroom and bathroom are inconvenient. They're behind the doors. Inconvenient enough to warrant beating the architect who drew them there.

- Inconvenient is going all the way downstairs to the storage room only to get distracted by something in the room that you haven't seen in ages, and forgetting what you went into that room for in the first place. "So THAT'S where she hid that sweater I bought her for Christmas!"

- It's inconvenient that my sabre-toothed-crotch-crickets always seem to be most active as I crawl into bed at night, necessitating serious itching counter measures, and even more inconvenient that after a few minutes of this my wife has to ask, "Um, what are you doing?"

- A horrible dating inconvenience is being nervous and having a propensity for tummy rumbling, explosive gas. If you're lucky enough for her NOT to hear it as you walk around the back of the car, you'd better come up with something creative to stay out there long enough for her NOT to smell it when you get in. A related, and more serious, inconvenience is having your best friend blurt out to her the following Monday at school that when you got back to the car after dropping her off, you let it all out at him. "Ew! Is that what you guys do after you drop us off?" What did you expect? High fives for most awkward date in history? Puh-leeeaaaase. (Now you ladies know the truth about why we're not good listeners. Our concentration is elsewhere)

- It's SOOOO inconvenient to have a cop pull your wife over and cite her for no mudflaps on your Jeep, which she never drives and just happened to take to the store out of convenience of parking arrangement that day. It's even more inconvenient when a year-and-a-half later that same cop pulls over that same wife in that same Jeep for that same reason! Like he didn't have anything better to do.

More Inconvenient Somethings in future posts. Right now, I have to go feed my 2 year old and then put her in the bathtub. How inconvenient of her to interrupt my blogging brilliance.

Miscommunication - Part 2

"No, I said boots! Boots!"

Same idea as previous post, same person involved. My boss and her boss (VP of Sales) were interviewing a potential candidate for a sales position. The candidate was female, had worked in advertising sales before, but it became obvious rather quickly that she was not a good candidate. Judging by her provocative outfit, including a blouse SO low-cut it left little to the imagination, it was apparent she had most likely been hired at past jobs based on "other" qualifications, as opposed to "professional" qualifications. She was dumber than a bag of hammers. My boss, being a very straight forward Catholic-Italian-NewYorker, can be somewhat intimidating. She was asking some very routine fact finding questions to the lady, about accounts she had earned, average monthly revenue she was responsible for, how she hunted for new leads, etc. She could tell by the lady's stammering answers that she was making her uncomfortable, so she backed down to let the VP ask a few questions. When the conversation came back around to my boss, her attention had drifted elsewhere, which led the VP to jokingly ask if she was paying attention. Her reply as she looked at the lady, "Yeah, no I'm here. I could tell I was intimidating you so I decided to just sit here and stare at your boots." Unfortunately, both the lady and VP heard "boobs".

Luckily, we didn't end up with a lawsuit on our hands (see bag of hammers comment above), nor was the candidate hired, based on lack of "professional" qualifications. Which leads me to wonder how in the world I still have a job there. It ain't easy being this good lookin'.

Miscommunication - Part 1

LOL, BTW, BFF, LU2, ROFLMAO... I could go on and on. In this new era of text messages, IM, blogs and what have you, there is a lot of room for miscommunication and misunderstanding. Sometimes that can spell really bad news, other times it can be purdy darn funny.

Example - my boss is Catholic, Italian, and a New Yorker to boot. She's pretty straight forward, to say the least. But, like some of us, she's still in the learning curve with all the new lingo out there in the world. She didn't know what LOL meant. Our VP of Marketing tends to use the term occasionally. One day, after getting another email from him with LOL in it, she finally turned around and asked me, "What does LOL mean?" At that exact moment, a co-worker in the next office over burst out laughing quite loudly. (You can't make this stuff up). Needless to say, through my own laughter, I took advantage of the situation to simply point to the other guy who was guffawing and say "It means that!" To which she replied, "Laughing? It means laughing? Oh, and here all this time I thought he was referring to me as Little Old Lady and was trying to decide if I should be offended." (She'll be 50 this year and is not happy about it). After laughing so hard we were crying and our sides hurt, we were finally able to recover and go back to work. Needless to say, since that day I have not been able to see LOL without thinking about that day and actually LAUGHING OUT LOUD myself, making it all the more ironic that I actually LAUGH when I see LOL. Go figure.

Continuing the Tradition...

In the spirit of "Howcomes & Whyzits" -

1- Whyzit that banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?

2- Howcome Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

3- Whyzit that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

4- Howcome I keep returning to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have magically appeared?

5- Howcome my daughter seems to think that dirt and bathwater are the same thing?

6- Howcome you never hear any father-in-law jokes?

7- Whyzit that the older I get, the more hair seems to fall off my head and onto places I really don't desire?

8- Howcome "indulging" has such a negative connotation when it can be so damn good?

9- Whyzit so much fun to laugh at other people's expense?

10- Whyzit called "Special K"? Who died and made K so special?

Space Filler

Evidently I have a following. I mean, how many people actually get requests for more blog posts? Okay, don't answer that. I'm far from the level of Pro Bloggers that I see around the internet. My wife is fast approaching that level. She started her own blog (got tired of me never posting I suppose) and now she's off and running. I think she's posted more in 2 weeks than I have in the history of my blog. So I am rambling aimlessly at 1:10 am to fill some space and bring a new post to the forefront of blogdom. And hopefully, somehow, someway, I can make the time to revive my glory days of blogging, and restart the creative juices that once flowed like wine... or grape juice. May this be the spark that re-ignites the blogging flame! One can only hope.

I've been "tagged" (thanks Amie!). Here's how it works;

Rules: Answer each question about yourself, then tag 5 people by posting their names and leaving them a comment on their blog.

10 years ago: I was 24, refinishing bathtubs for a living, had no direction in life, was a true bachelor and thought I was really cool.

Things on my to-do list tomorrow: Work, work... then maybe work some more. Oh, and find a new place to live.

Snacks I enjoy: Almonds, frosted mini-spooners, ice cream.

What I would do if I were suddenly made a billionaire: Give lots to my church, pay off debt, start a foundation, invite Warren Buffet over for dinner.

3 of my bad habits: (I only get to list 3 Amie?) Sleeping in, being late, thinking I'm the "shiz".

5 places I have lived: Hyrum Utah, Logan Utah, Madrid Spain, Salt Lake City Utah, Bountiful Utah (guess I have a thing for Utah).

Jobs I have had: milked cows, washed dishes, lot lizard, sold Kirby vacuum (yes singular), flipped burg's, cut cheese, extruded plastics, crashed forklift, huffed paint, drywall, sold insurance, scammed people on the phone... but now I finally have a real job - "Dada".

Things people don't know about me: I played a kind of a "drum duet" with one of my friends at the talent show my senior year, me on my drum set and he on his - we took turns doing the biggest, baddest one-up drum solo we could come up with - you should have seen our mullets... dude it rocked! The best part was the fact that we actually got applause when we were done. I think it was the only time I was ever applauded in High School.

Who I tag next: I only know 2 other people with blogs that haven't been tagged; Seth and Jenn